Salvation: Reckless Desires (Blue Moon Saloon Book 4) Read online

“Jessica, this is Anna. Anna, meet Jessica,” her cousin said.

  Jessica Macks? The one she’d been tipped off about?

  “Hi,” Anna offered, suddenly feeling very much an outsider. She and her cousin had always been close, but Sarah seemed to have started a whole new life that Anna played no part in. A man, a baby, a new job, new friends…

  “And this is Teddy,” Sarah said, showing off her baby.

  A pang went through Anna, as it always did when she hadn’t prepared herself for cozy mother-baby scenes. Most of the time, she was able to steel herself in advance, but sometimes, she wasn’t ready, and the sense of loss would hit her out of the blue.

  I was supposed to be a mom, too, a voice in the back of her mind murmured sadly.

  She saw Sarah freeze and shoot her an apologetic look. Anna still had the little pink blanket her cousin had made for her, eight years ago. A blanket she never got to use because she’d miscarried that baby. She’d miscarried a second time, too.

  She forced a smile. This was an occasion to celebrate, not a time to mourn something that wasn’t meant to be. And clearly, Sarah and Soren were meant to be.

  Anna tickled the baby’s ruddy cheek and cooed. “Gonna be a big boy someday.”

  Sarah laughed, relieved. “That’s for sure.”

  “Just like his daddy,” Anna continued.

  Sarah’s face fell, and she wondered why.

  “We’re just closing up, but you’re welcome to hang out for a while,” Jessica said quickly.

  They took a corner table, sipped tea, nibbled the best raspberry-chocolate muffins Anna had ever tried, and talked. About easy things to begin with, then the harder parts.

  Sarah, it seemed, had moved to Arizona, hooked back up with Soren, and started all over again. Soren and his brother, Simon, ran the saloon next door, and Jessica ran the café. Sarah did the accounting for both places, just like she used to do for her parents’ shop, and Jessica’s sister, Janna, waitressed, too.

  They were one big, cozy family. Anna bit back a wistful sigh.

  That was the easy part of the conversation.

  “What happened, Sarah?” Anna whispered when she was down to her last sip of tea. She hadn’t overlooked the burn scars on her cousin’s hands, nor the long, pink line where a flame had scored her forearm. “How did you get out?”

  Sarah shook her head and hugged the baby closer.

  “Sorry if you don’t want to talk about it…” Anna rushed to add. “It’s just that everyone told me you were dead, and I was so sure you weren’t, but I didn’t hear from you for so long…”

  Sarah took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry. I knew I could trust you, but I didn’t want to drag you into my mess.”

  “I’d help you with anything, Sarah. You know that.”

  Sarah’s eyes grew distant. Frightened. “You couldn’t have helped me. You would only have put yourself in danger, too.”

  Danger? Anna looked around. This place seemed so peaceful, so secure.

  The sentiment must have shown on her face, because Sarah leaned in. “We’re okay now. It’s all good. But there was a scary time…” She trailed off, then recomposed her face and struck a cheerier tone. “We’re good now. Everything is okay.”

  She looked like she truly meant it, so Anna didn’t push the topic.

  “I’m sorry for just turning up out of the blue. Seems like you’ve had a busy morning.”

  Sarah patted the baby’s bottom and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Yeah, you can say that. But God, it’s great to see you.”

  Anna laughed. “It’s great to see you.”

  “How did you find me, anyway?”

  Anna told her about Cynthia’s call and Sally James having spotted Jessica Macks — at which point the broom that had been whisking quietly behind them stopped abruptly. Sarah and Jessica exchanged worried looks but they didn’t say anything, so Anna finished up with her drive from Virginia.

  “You must be exhausted,” Sarah said. “God, I’m such a bad cousin. Come on. Would you like a shower? A nap? How long can you stay?”

  Anna laughed. She hadn’t thought ahead to anything other than finding Sarah. Now that she was here, she had no clue. “Well, I could stay a few days if that’s okay.”

  “You have to stay,” Sarah insisted. “We have a lot of catching up to do. But first things first.”

  Sarah led her to the apartment on the second floor and shooed her straight into the shower. When she was done, Sarah led her back downstairs, out the back, and toward a separate building standing across the service lot behind the café and saloon.

  “We’ll set you up in the place above the garage. It’s not much, but you’ll have some privacy here.”

  The stairs creaked and dust rose as she walked, but when they came to the slope-roofed area above the garage, it was airy and cool.

  “We’ve been meaning to fix it up, but I think it will be okay.”

  “It’s great.” Anna already loved the Navajo rug and the sunlight streaming through the dormers on the shady north side.

  “There’s a small living room in the front…” Sarah motioned as heavy footsteps sounded on the stairs behind them. “…a half-bath over here, and two little bedrooms in the back. You can have the one on the right.”

  Soren came lumbering into view, and it seemed he hadn’t heard, because he was looking behind him, talking to someone else. “You can have the room on the left—”

  Soren stopped short when he saw Anna. A second later, Todd appeared behind him. There was a lot of Soren taking up the landing, but there was plenty of Todd to take in, too. The sandy-brown hair was still mussed as if he’d raked his hands through it several more times. His face was lined and weary, but he brightened when she met his gaze. At least, she thought he did. Or maybe it was the light?

  For a second, the squeak of the overhead fan was the only sound in that small space. That and the sound of her skipping pulse in her ears.

  “Wait. I was just saying Anna could stay here,” Sarah said.

  “I just talked Todd into staying for a few days,” Soren replied.

  When Todd had just come up the stairs, he had looked reluctant. But now, he seemed to be just as eager as she was.

  Sarah looked at her with a wouldn’t-that-be-awkward look.

  Awkward? Anna pursed her lips. Nope, it wouldn’t be awkward at all.

  “We can share,” she said, trying far too hard to sound nonchalant. Wondering why she liked the idea so much. “That’s fine.”

  She smiled at him, and the two of them fell into a half-dazed, gazing-into-each-other’s-eyes state. She’d never seen eyes quite as blue and honest as his. Well, it felt like she had, but she couldn’t put her finger on where or when.

  “Okay with me,” he whispered.

  She nodded, holding her breath. “Okay with me, too.”

  Chapter Five

  “You just got here. You can’t leave.”

  Todd shook his head. Soren kept saying that, but Todd wasn’t sure he should — or even could — stay.

  “Where else will you go? What will you do?”

  He had no clue, but hanging around witnessing his cousin’s newfound family bliss was definitely not the right place to be. How could he see little Teddy every day and not have his heart crushed?

  “You have to stay, man,” Soren went on.

  Soren didn’t seem to understand how much he was asking, and Todd wasn’t sure he could endure staying. Until Soren walked him up to that little den of an apartment over the garage and he saw Anna again. She stared at him in surprise, and instead of thinking about what he might lose, he thought about what he stood to gain.

  Mate. Mine. His bear jumped up and down inside.

  His heart started pounding, the blood rushing through his veins.

  Was it really possible? Did he really have a mate?

  Her eyes sparked and her lips parted. Maybe even trembled until she caught her bottom lip with her teeth, a slim line of white peekin
g around the pink. When she caught a lock of hair and twirled it with her finger absently, he longed to reach out and twirl it, too.

  Definitely my mate, his bear hummed inside.

  God, she was pretty. And her emerald eyes were so clear, so genuine. Her smile was the only one in the room that wasn’t forced, and her words were the only ones that reached his ears, perfectly clear and crisp.

  “We can share,” she’d said. “That’s fine.”

  And just like that, sticking around Soren’s place didn’t seem like a punishment anymore.

  More like a chance, his bear agreed. One last chance.

  Last chance at what?

  Of starting over again.

  An idea that had seemed utterly impossible until now.

  Quickly, before Soren or Sarah could protest, he chimed in. “Okay with me.”

  Anna nodded quickly. “Okay with me, too.”

  Which seemed so easy at the time, but it was bound to turn into torture of a completely different kind. Anna was human. She didn’t know about destined mates or bears — or any other kind of shifter, for that matter. Plus, he still couldn’t place her, and it seemed really important to figure that out.

  Just when he was about to give in and start on the first of a thousand questions he wanted to ask — like, Anna, is your hair as soft as it looks? Or, Anna, can I trust you with the truth about who I really am? — Sarah called her away.

  Then Soren led him down the stairs and into the back room of the saloon, and Anna seemed a million miles away again. His bear sniffed in the direction she’d gone and whimpered unabashedly.

  “Look. We could really use your help. Right here. You think you can put some life back into this wreck?” Soren motioned toward the dilapidated wooden bar.

  It wasn’t the masterpiece of woodwork that the hundred-year-old mahogany bar in the front room was, but it was solid oak and a nice piece of joinery.

  “Some fool painted the whole thing black,” Soren muttered, running a finger along one chipped edge. “But I reckon it would look okay if we got it down to raw wood. Varnish it up, make it shine.”

  Todd slowly looked up and down the length of the bar. It was a good twenty feet long and six inches taller than his six-foot frame. A two- to three-week job, at best. Was Soren really serious about him sticking around that long?

  Soren nodded, and Todd cursed himself for not guarding his thoughts more carefully.

  “Look, I don’t want to make this any harder on you or us than it already is,” Soren said.

  You or us. Todd turned the words over in his mind. It made them sound like two opposing sides. But he wasn’t his cousin’s enemy. He’d always been Soren’s most loyal ally. Had nothing changed — or had everything changed?

  Soren shook his head vehemently. “The important part will never change. We’re family, man. We stick together.”

  It sounded good, but Todd could sense the uncertainty in his cousin’s words. Enough to make him realize that Soren had everything at stake: his mate, his son, the stability of his clan.

  Soren let out a long breath. “We’ll sort this out. Somehow. Sarah says we just need to give it time.”

  A century wouldn’t be enough time. Not for him to make peace with himself. That part was easier for Soren. The baby was his in spirit and soul, and Todd would never contest that. But he’d always have to live with an empty space, knowing he had a son who could never be his own.

  Soren cleared his throat and motioned toward the bar. “Look, we’ve been getting a lot of requests for private functions. If we get this back room fixed up, it would give us another income stream. Help us diversify a bit.”

  Todd had never considered his cousin much of a businessman, but it seemed Soren had stepped up his game. As the oldest grandson of the ruling alpha, Soren had been groomed to lead their clan, while his younger brother Simon was to take over the day-to-day workings of the family lumber mill. Todd’s job was to support them as their most reliable go-to man. They’d always taken their responsibilities seriously, but it had always been a someday kind of thing.

  Now, they’d all been thrust into a harsh new reality. Soren had obviously risen to the challenge. Simon, too. And Todd — well…

  Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do the same, his bear barked.

  Soren’s head snapped up and left, away from him. “Teddy’s waking up. I’ll be right back.”

  Todd stared at the bar for a good long time after Soren disappeared upstairs. Then he grabbed a sheet of sandpaper and got to work on the surface in harsh, hacking swipes.

  That was Soren’s baby. Not his, and it never would be. But he’d prove himself a worthy uncle, damn it. He’d do his part to provide for this clan.

  “Whoa. We’ve got an electric sander, you know,” Simon said, coming up a few minutes later.

  Todd stopped and looked at the patch he’d started to clear. Okay, so his test patch had turned into a test acre. He’d call that a warm-up and try to get his head screwed on right.

  “Think you can make this thing shine?” Simon asked, more in challenge than in question.

  They both looked over the bar. The surface was hopelessly pitted and stained, and the center section was cracked.

  “Not sure,” he murmured. “But I’ll try.”

  He pictured the extra income going into things like a tricycle or a swing. Yeah, he’d try, all right.

  Simon smacked him on the shoulder in an attaboy gesture and motioned with the muffin in his hand. “Let me just talk to Jess and finish the world’s best muffin here. Then I’ll help.”

  Todd drew a tight line with his lips. Soren had a mate. Simon had a mate…

  I have a mate, too, his bear rumbled inside.

  He gave the bear the silent treatment while he sealed the area off with sheets of plastic and tried not to think about Anna. A losing proposition, because he couldn’t help but picture what she might be doing. Had Jessica put her to work, too? Did she enjoy it? How long was she planning to stay?

  “Ready?” Simon asked, coming back into the room. The scent of his mate clung to his shoulders, evidence of the parting nuzzle they must have shared.

  Todd stepped back and checked every inch of his work, then set about checking the filters on the sander. No way was he letting any dust reach Teddy’s lungs. Then he nodded slowly and took a deep breath. Yeah, he was ready.

  Somehow, he’d survive his stay in Arizona. He’d endure the proximity to the baby and formulate a plan for what to do next. Staying long term wasn’t an option. So what would he do?

  Maybe he’d head back to Montana. Maybe someplace new…

  Our mate is here, his bear said.

  He shook his head, turned on the sander, and let it screech against the wood.

  * * *

  Working on the bar helped him get through the day. A day with so many ups and downs, it was like a roller coaster — and he hated roller coasters, like most bears. The saloon was closed on Mondays, so he’d been able to work through the evening, when Soren and Simon joined him for a quiet meal of barbecued ribs. Just the three of them, pretending it was like old times, even though it was anything but and never would be again.

  He took a shower — a weird sensation, after having been in bear form for so long — then headed to the apartment over the garage, wondering if he even remembered what it felt like to sleep in a bed.

  Anna was coming down the narrow stairs just as he was going up, and they both froze for a while.

  God, her eyes were pretty. Her hair was so shiny, and that feeling that he’d met her somewhere, sometime hit him again.

  “Hi,” she whispered.

  So far, he’d only been able to hear the others when they pushed their thoughts into his mind. But Sarah, he could hear perfectly.

  Of course, his bear said. She’s my mate.

  “Hi,” he said. He couldn’t hear his own voice, and he hoped to hell it wasn’t too loud.

  “Did you have a good day?”

  He didn’t
answer immediately, which probably gave him away, but Anna just waited patiently. No judging. Not the oh-you-poor-bugger look he got from Jessica, Simon, and the others.

  “It was okay.” Well, a lot of it had been hell, but there were bright spots, too — all of which involved her. “How about you?”

  She nodded, glanced down, and when she looked back, her gaze slid to his lips. And all of a sudden, all he could think of was a kiss.

  Her nostrils flared, and whoa, he wondered if she was thinking the same thing.

  Without thinking — because how could he think when a powerful magnet was drawing on every cell in his body? — he leaned closer, and she leaned in, too. Her mouth cracked open as if she was imagining a kiss, too, and every nerve in his body bounced up and down.

  Then the towel in her hand fell, making Anna blink, gulp, and motion down the stairs. “I was just on my way to the shower. It was such a hot day…”

  Hot for sure, his bear hummed.

  He didn’t respond at first, because he was still imagining a kiss. But then he nodded and pressed his body against one wall. “Sure. Sorry.”

  The funny thing was, she looked sorry, too.

  Me, three, his bear sighed.

  She smiled, though, and when she squeezed past, her sweet scent just about knocked him over. He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath, filling his lungs with it. God, she was so close. So perfect. So…so…

  Mine, his bear growled.

  He was still there seconds later, motionless as a statue, when she stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned back. “Goodnight, Todd.”

  He just managed to shake himself out of his daze and reply, “Goodnight, Anna.”

  Even her name felt perfect on his tongue.

  And then she was gone. For a while, at least. Eventually, he heard her come back up the stairs and quietly tuck herself into the bed on her side of the thin partition wall. He lay in his own bed, barely moving. Barely breathing, except for testing the air for her scent.

  He caught a whiff of it, and Jesus, it was torture, having her so close, yet so far.

  Bust through the wall, his bear demanded. I need her.

  Like that would convince her he was a guy worth having.